I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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