hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
