he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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