I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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