I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
