woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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