YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
