We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
