please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
