pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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