literally had 100 drinks last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
