I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
