just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
