Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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