we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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