when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
