I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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