You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
