Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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