Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am available for nakedness
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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