i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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