I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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