she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
