maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
