I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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