i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
