All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
