Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
