The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
