Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
