So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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