i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
