You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
