If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
