It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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