maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
