Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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