You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I AM VODKA MAN
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
