garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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