PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
