wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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