R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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