Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am naked and annoyed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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