last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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