I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
