I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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