Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
