you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Vodka?
Forever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
