cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
