i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
