Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
